Gay to Stay? Or Just For a Day?

Hello gentle readers, it's your Grandma of Getting Down, Grandma Sex. Here's my latest letter.

Dear Grandma Sex,

My girlfriend and I (I am a lesbian) have been dating for a few months now. I am the first woman she has ever been with and I suspect she may be just playing with being gay. She isn't out to her family or job and I really like her but I don't want to get hurt by somebody who isn't able to love me back. How do I find out if she's for real?
Thanks,
Concerned She's Curious

Dear Concerned,

Dating is always a risky business, but dating for keeps is the riskiest of all. The first thing to do is check on your own expectations. What are YOU looking for in a partnership? Imagine an ideal world for you, and then use that as a guide. We can all find deep happiness in the love of other(s) with a little foresight and a little elbow grease. But if what you are looking for is a lifetime commitment and what your girlfriend is looking for is a college experience, you have a problem of expectations.

Now there is nothing wrong with having fun with college girls if that's what you want to do. But we all got to be careful to not go looking for love in a summer fling.

The truth is this...until someone comes out it is hard for them to really commit to someone who is out. I mean how does that work? You just avoid all her family and coworkers?

I'm not saying break up, or stay. I am saying if you are looking for a life time with this girl I think you know it is not the right time for that. She's not ready. But if you are looking to enjoy the company of a woman you have feelings for, and don't need a commitment, you could stick around and see what happens.

Or you can accept that what you really want is the love of your life and you can keep looking for that long lasting relationship. Just make sure you know what you are looking for. What makes long lasting relationships is 25% compatibility, 25% love and 50% hard work and commitment to being together. Life is a journey, not a destination. Best wishes on the journey, my dear.

Love,
Grandma Sex