Ask Grandma Sex

Keeping Strong in the Pants - Men and Ladies Kegels

2010-02-21T00:49:00.001-08:00

Hello everybody,

It's Grandma Sex, and I wanted to talk to you all about the most important exercise you can do...and it's for your genitals.

That's right, babies, if you want to have good sex, (and not pee yourself when you are old) you are gonna need to exercise your area.

Luckily, it's super easy. Here's links to instructions on doing "kegel" exercises. You can do 'em wherever you are, in your chair at work, in the car, watching Tiger Woods apologies on cable, whatever. And it'll help you men keep your erections strong, and it's give you ladies a special squeeze for your man.

So get started building a better pussy or willy. Here's how...

http://www.seekwellness.com/kegel/

Happy squeezin' and happy lovin', babies.

Love, Grandma Sex

Welcome to the New and Improved Ask Grandma Sex!

2009-07-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

I've been spiffin' up the blog page here, babies, with all new fun and features. I'll be posting lots more new letters, essays and more in the next few days, so stop back by frequently to get all the sex advice Grandma can offer!

Good Lovin'
Grandma Sex

Sex Drive Differential

2007-05-04T16:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Grandma Sex,

My girlfriend and I have not had sex since December...she claims being sick, her period and everything else. She is 37 years old and I am 26...am I ugly? Or does she just want me to break up with her?
I love her and I think she loves me...what do I do? I need sex to stabilize a relationship as well need sex to show affection as well my infinite love for her?

Am I foolish and hopeless?

Dear NOT foolish and hopeless,

Thanks for writing and I am sorry to hear of your troubles. Without knowing all of the details, I can't tell you what to do, but there are a few things I will suggest that may help you.

First, I know it is hard, but don't equate sex with acceptance. Many couples go through low sexual times, but letting that make you feel bad about yourself will only make things worse. What you are feeling is a need for reassurance, which is normal, but if the only way you feel reassured is sex, that can cause conflict with a partner who is not feeling sexy. Then she feels inadequate and everyone is defensive and upset. Try to find other ways to connect besides sex. Share activites, talk about what is going on in her/your life, make dinner, just enjoy each other with your clothes on. It will take the pressure off the need for sex and then sex is more likely to come naturally.

Second, understand that women (and men) go through cycles of sexual desire. Sometimes the horny hormones just aren't flowing and stress or illness or self doubt can lower one's sex drive. Reducing the stress or other concerns may help, but sometimes couples need to be patient with each other. One hint is to try extra to make her feel good about herself. Don't say "I would love you no matter what you look like" (sounds nice at first, but kinda makes a girl feel ugly). Just tell her the things you love about her, both physical and mental. Women are more horny when the feel smart and pretty.

And lastly, take care of your own sexual tension. That's right, masturbate. God put the penis in arms reach for a reason. And men may have a more frequent need for sexual release than their partners. But that is not the woman's job to take care of any more than it is her job to brush your teeth or wipe your ass. So take care of yourself, especially before you spend time with her, and I bet that taking the pressure off the whole situation will lead to some good lovin'.

Thanks for writing sweetie.

Best Wishes,
Grandma Sex

Funny Letters to Grandma Sex

2007-04-11T14:02:00.001-07:00

Funny Letters to Grandma Sex
Current mood: chipper

Hello lovelies,

Sometimes my readers write me funny letters that give this old granny a chance to dust off her funny bone. Check out these latest rib ticklers. And thanks to all my readers for writing in...

______________________________________________

Dear Grandma Sex,

You might be the one to answer this. My girlfriend and I want to have a 3 way, but she wants her dad to be in it and I want oprah to be in it. What should I do?????

signed,
Hot for O

Dear HFO,

Compromise, use Don King.

Love, Grandma Sex

__________________________________________

Dear Grandma Sex,

y r u so horny, i mean ur like 99 if you were say 40 would you still like to bone?

signed,
Young and Curious

Dear Curious,

These old bones love to bone, heck, the real good sex starts after 65. I'll teach some tricks....:).
Never underestimate a horny old woman.

Love, Grandma Sex

_________________________________________________

So keep writing in kids, and keep reading my posts. And until then, I hope you all have some...

Good Lovin!

Gay to Stay? Or Just For a Day?

2007-03-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

Hello gentle readers, it's your Grandma of Getting Down, Grandma Sex. Here's my latest letter.

Dear Grandma Sex,

My girlfriend and I (I am a lesbian) have been dating for a few months now. I am the first woman she has ever been with and I suspect she may be just playing with being gay. She isn't out to her family or job and I really like her but I don't want to get hurt by somebody who isn't able to love me back. How do I find out if she's for real?
Thanks,
Concerned She's Curious

Dear Concerned,

Dating is always a risky business, but dating for keeps is the riskiest of all. The first thing to do is check on your own expectations. What are YOU looking for in a partnership? Imagine an ideal world for you, and then use that as a guide. We can all find deep happiness in the love of other(s) with a little foresight and a little elbow grease. But if what you are looking for is a lifetime commitment and what your girlfriend is looking for is a college experience, you have a problem of expectations.

Now there is nothing wrong with having fun with college girls if that's what you want to do. But we all got to be careful to not go looking for love in a summer fling.

The truth is this...until someone comes out it is hard for them to really commit to someone who is out. I mean how does that work? You just avoid all her family and coworkers?

I'm not saying break up, or stay. I am saying if you are looking for a life time with this girl I think you know it is not the right time for that. She's not ready. But if you are looking to enjoy the company of a woman you have feelings for, and don't need a commitment, you could stick around and see what happens.

Or you can accept that what you really want is the love of your life and you can keep looking for that long lasting relationship. Just make sure you know what you are looking for. What makes long lasting relationships is 25% compatibility, 25% love and 50% hard work and commitment to being together. Life is a journey, not a destination. Best wishes on the journey, my dear.

Love,
Grandma Sex

When I am 64...will I still get laid?

2007-03-30T16:15:00.000-07:00

A good friend asks...

Dear Grandma Sex,

Will I have good sex when I am old?

JIB

Dear JIB,

There are 3 things you have to do to have good sex when you are old.

1. Exercise your pubic muscles. Do penis lifts. The Tantric Yogis in India spend lifetimes practising control of their johnsons and they don't have trouble getting it up. A well trained dick is a healthy dick.

2. Fantasize. Have a healthy fantasy life. The key to turning on the old sex machine is the ability to get the mind in on the sexiness. The brain is the biggest erotic organ.

3. Get over the human body. People who get the most sex are the people who think everyone is sexy. Think about that. If you can still get turned on by a person even if they are pudgy or wrinkly or gray haired, then you will have a good sex life. Maybe try practising on some old folks while you're still a young whipper snapper.

Wishin you.....

Good Lovin,
Grandma Sex.

Grandma Sex's Sex Advice Letter of the Day

2007-03-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Does size matter? The Age Old Question answered...

Dear Grandma Sex,

Girls always say that size doesn't matter, but I think that's bullshit. I am pretty average, I think, but my last girlfriend would make snide comments now and then about her ex who was hung like a horse. I finally broke up with her cuz she was a bitch, but I still think chicks are lying when they say size doesn't matter.

Signed,
Just My Size

Dear Just My Size,

I'm glad got out of a relationship that was bringing you down. And you bring up a good topic. In fact size does matter, but not only the size of the man. A woman's vagina also has a size: some are deep, some are slender, some curve more than others. Some are very stretchy and can take a wide penis (or dildo or fist for that matter) and some can't. We in the western world are so worried about the penis we forget that the round peg and the round hole should match. Kindergarten stuff, you know, blocks and so on. In the Kama Sutra, several different sizes of vagina and penis are described in order to help would be lovers choose a mate that is a good size match.

But in modern times asking a girl if she has a big pussy will get you slapped, so rather than trying to find the right size vagina, try working with the size available. If you are a small man and your lover has a larger vagina, use toys, fingers, vegetables, switch off to oral sex, and so forth. Get your lover involved pleasuring herself. Remember, most women orgasm from stimulating the clitoris, not by penetration. A fact to also remember when you are large and your partner is too small. Tease with the head, use toys and tongue, and remember that painful sex is only good when asked for, so never force penetration, especially anal penetration. You can rip tender tissues and cause permanent damage. If you want to have vigorous sex, give your partner some time to adjust and to get moist. Or use a lube. But the best thing you can use during sex is your words. Check in with your partner and make sure she (he) is having a good time.

With a little ingenuity and consideration, any size man and any size woman, and any combination thereof, can pleasure each other. So get out there and get some...

Good Lovin,

Sincerely,
Grandma Sex

Grandma Sex's Sex Advice Letter of the Day

2007-03-19T19:28:00.001-07:00

FRENCH KISSIN AND TEEN SEX ADVICE

This is a letter from one of my younger readers...

Dear Grandma Sex,

I am wondering if you can teach my how to french kiss? Like step by step, i really suck. I am a good kisser in general, but I am not so good of a french kisser. Can you help?

Signed,
Need Help Smoochin'

Dear Smoochin,

Thanks for writing Grandma about your problem. At your age, I should advise you to keep it in your pants, cuz kissin leads to other things which leads to babies. So you BE CAREFUL! Ok, that said there are lots of good ways to french kiss, and different guys will do it different. If you are having a hard time it might be your boyfriend is sticking to much tongue in, or being a slobber monster. Using the tongue sparingly is going to be better. But MOST important, SERIOUSLY, the only right way to kiss is the way that feels good, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are an idiot.

But please, darling, be careful and be patient, or at least be safe. I see too many young girls ruin their lives by getting involved with boys too young. What will make you the best kisser of all is self confidence, and you get that from being the best YOU that you can be. Do what you love, and let God take care of who you love. Stay safe, sweetie.

Best Wishes from your Grandma of Love,
Grandma Sex

Grandma Sex's Sex Advice Letter of the Day

2007-03-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Grandma Sex,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about three months. She has told me she is bisexual, and is interested in other women, but I'm nervous that there would be jealousy issues. I mean two girls is hot, but it also could mess things up between us. What should I do?

Signed,
Nervous about living the dream

Dear Nervous,

You have every right to be concerned, threesomes can be trouble. But they can also be wonderful like that one beautiful evening I had with the Trumans, Becky and Sam, but anyway....As I was saying, if your girlfriend is indeed bisexual, having threesomes may be the best way to keep her close to you and not chase her away into a lovely lady's arms. But you need to understand your girlfriends motivations, as well as her hopes and expectations of a threesome. TALK about it, in bed, sure, but also out of bed in straitforward talk. With a good deal of preparation and understanding, a threesome can be one of the hottest nights in your life. But don't do it until the moment is right, don't push it, let it happen. And if that doesn't work, place a personals ad.

Good luck and Good Lovin!

Grandma Sex

Grandma Sex's Mailbag

2007-03-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Grandma Sex,

My husband and I always fight about oral sex. I am very forthcoming when it comes to giving my husband pleasure down there, but when my turn comes, he doesn't often return the favor. Or if he does it is a rush job, and I often fake it to move on. How can I get my husband to give me my fair share of oral lovin?

signed Lonely Down There

Dear Lonely,

You are right to think you deserve your fair share of oral sex, but your hubby may need some guidance and encouragement. Many men are unsure of how to please a woman orally and your faking it only adds to the confusion. Try practising pleasuring yourself, alone or with your partner and add some of those techniques into recieving oral sex. Guide his tongue with your finger, don't just sit back and let him do all the "work". Use some 69 positions to encourage more mutuality. And remember, hygiene is so important. Take the time to groom your pubic area, trim excess hair, make pretty shapes. Try showering together as foreplay. Using flavor jellies and lubes may be another way to intice your man "down there". An if all else fails, issue a trade policy: if he does you, THEN you'll do him. Trust me, men will do anything to keep their blow jobs.

Good luck and Good Lovin,
Grandma Sex